Outie '05!!

I moved. this spot is vacant.

But I am having a new house warming party, if you want to come!

www.andropolis.org/gen

So, don't come around here no more.

don't.

don't do it.

I want a Sunday kind of love...

It all started with a wake-up call
from Angie
Hearing the Chicago subway
in the background

Ahhh....

This will be a good day.

Entering the kitchen
with nothing but the need for
Coffee
on my mind

Baby snores from
the Richard
asleep in the family room

Caitie
in her normal paper reading position

The suprise of seeing
Melon
in the basement
when I thought she was gone

Andrew
sleeping
and sleeping
he is still sleeping

The call from
Noah
that ends up with
him on the way over here
RIGHT NOW!!

Melon
On the mission to make sure
we are all well fed on
this glorious morning

A house full of
lovely wonderfull souls

Shayan
and his endless supply of tape

Joni
Starting the soundtrack for this
lovely day.

"Help me, I think I'm falling
In love again..."

Life is going to be good again.

I thank God for this.

I am lucky.
Blessed.

I love my family.
My friends.

small hope

With misty eyes
I view the world.

With hope
I hold on tight.

With my heart
I find it hard to
Feel.


I can only
Carry on.

Motion.

Lost in a vast sea of confusion

going down, down, down.

How can these weak hands
Ever make a change?

With hope
I hold on tight.

With blessed souls
Surrounding me.

Blessed souls on earth
And circling me from the heavens.

I can feel a indication of light
Shining on my shivered soul.

With hope
I hold on tight.

With hope...

Shmangela

So, if you look at my "illustrious souls" list, you will see that there is a new addition. One that makes my soul sing and my heart dance with joy!

Angela has a blog.

Now, she will need to familiarize her self with the "ways of the blog" before we see much action, but that should not stop you from visiting her "amongst the tree tops" and giving her your shout out of love. Cuz, you know that you love her. I know that I do.

So, anyway, time for sleep and dreams and thoughts of a time not so far away when I get to be in the same room with Shmangie-face at NEBY! WOOHOO!

--genika

SCORE!!!

Opportunity Analysis
Math
Human Relations
Marketing
Public Speaking

These things rock.

I started school today.

a-ma-zing!

I am sure to be extremely busy with loads of homework and projects, but boy am I ready!

I knew that I was going to like it, but I had no idea how amazing my classes and my professors would be! It is all starting to make sense now.

I am getting my degree in Business Entrepreneurship so that I can own my own rocking business. I want to do Event planning… but the idea of owning my own coffee shop is what I am really brainstorming right now. I mean, come on. How perfect would that be!! Right up my alley. An interfaith coffee joint called “Spiritual Joe”. If you laugh, you make me cry. Believe in me.

So, anyway, this day has lightened my spirits and made me feel goal oriented and energetic. I already have a couple hours of homework to do, so, I will go do that at Starbucks. The soon to be run out of business Starbucks…

...cuz Gen -to the- Z is takin’ it ova, fool!

ouch.

The retreat is over.

This brings great relief to my mind.

It was a wonderful time. Amazing to say the least. Yet, I feel as if I wasn’t even there. I feel like it was all one quick blur. I have tried to reflect back on it as a whole, and find that I only have vague pictures in my mind.

I went into it hoping that it would make me temporarily happy. That being surrounded by 45 shiny happy luck star youth would ease my mind. However, it turned out to be harder. I just wanted quiet. Peace. And I am afraid that I was less help then I could have been. I was just plain out of it. I had to fight every minute to keep myself together to keep from bursting into tears.

I am still in another realm. It is hard to keep the motion going when your soul is sick and sad. I am having a difficult time placing my feelings and knowing where to go. What to do. I am having a hard time trying to go along with life while I know that there is a little soul out there that is hurting so. That soul is not given the chance to fly. It doesn’t know real love. Doesn’t know what it is like to be safe and truly taken care of. This is so painful. This little sweet face has plagued my mind.

I don’t really know how to function anymore. I find myself pretending that everything is fine. Pretending that I haven’t witnessed one of the most brutal sides of humanity. But all that I really want to do is cry and hide my face. Forever.

I feel the whaling of the world through every inch of my being.

I wish that I was better at showing my emotions. I used to be better at it. Somewhere along the way, I let it go. Now, I am harder. More reluctant to let myself be vulnerable to others. It is sad when you really just need someone to be there to hold you.

Now, here I am. Expressing all of this on a blog that I know many of my friends will read. Silly. They can read it here, but I can’t express it when I go upstairs into a room filled with lovelies.

I’ll be ok.

Bliggity Blah....with at least part of a happy ending

So, after the worst experience in my 26 years of exsistence, after the grim reality of the darkness that our world holds in its hot little hands, after being sickened and angered, after a long night plagued with evil dancing ruthlessly through my emotionaly tired mind and not much sleep...

Where do you go? What do you do?

I am functioning in a very cloudy bubble. Dread. The feeling of helplessness. It is vast and unfailing.

My biggest struggle in life is not being able to save the world 'with my own two hands' in a time crunch. Like... right this very minute.

Paralized.

I don't think that I am ever going to be the same person again. In time, this will, God willing, become a positive change. But for now, it is a harsh taste of the underbelly of mankind. Shown to me for what? I haven't figured that out completely yet. Time.

Prayers are a wonderful and powerfull thing.

--Genevieve

PS: I also got fired.

THANK GOD!!!

Peanuts and chocolate

There is nothing like getting stuff done. There is nothing like getting stuff done with people that you really like. There is nothing like a good consultation that has an amazing outcome. There is nothing better then seeing peoples minds and thoughts meld together into a beautiful picture. There is nothing better then sleeping when it is so desperately needed. There is nothing better then getting time with a good friend. There is nothing better then feeling loved. There is nothing better then being stressed over something that is inspiring. There is nothing better then working hard on something you know will be powerful. There is nothing better then knowing that you get to see 34 amazing souls in 4 days. There is nothing better then knowing that education is right around that corner. There is nothing like knowing you get to go to NEBY fest. There is nothing like a good talk with your momma. There is nothing like good food. There is nothing like good coffee. There is nothing like life.

There is nothing like overcoming tests and seeing the amazing view of the mountains that lie ahead of you. There is nothing like knowing that even though they will be rough, you can accomplish anything.

There is nothing like it. Nothing.

running on coffee and life

My glasses are crooked.

Besides that, everything is good.

After my nice stay in STL, I came back and dove into making up hours at work. This has been long and boring, but it will be worth it when I get my paycheck.

I made up a new drink today. It is basically an americano with a teeeeny tiiiiiny splash of caramel in it. Now, this goes against many of my personal coffee traditions. I am not a floofy coffee drinker. I am a dark cup o' Joe girl, so for me to floof up my drink is strangest of the strange. It is tasty, and I am most sure that I am not actually the inventor of this concoction, but I will relish in my brilliant idea, none the less. It simply makes it easier to guzzle down faster. Like I really needed that. It is just another one of those vices that, eventually I will have to give up. yeah. I have a coffee problem. But I just love it.

coffee is life. life is coffee.

I have tomorrow off. yeah! Though it will be filled with errands. Still in the process of finalizing my school stuff, and so, it is exciting even when it is tedious and boring.

I am queen of boring. The boring queen.

I almost got hit in the head with an avalanche of ice that fell off the rooftop at work. It would have been serious if I hadn't seen something shiny on the ground and went to look at what it was. Thank god for the Twix wrapper. It just possibly saved my life.

Melon, Andrew, Richard and I are getting together to work on the retreat tonight. That is sure to be the complete opposite of boring.

I am sleepy.

I am content.

caramel americano time.....

Shiney Happy Star Times

So, I woke up yesterday in STL to snow coming down. I shot up in bed with fiery dread in my eyes! What was I going to do? This weather was testing me. I knew that I would have to take my chances and hit the road before I got stuck there for ever.

I did not hesitate. I immediately jumped into Lucy(through the hatchback because the door locks were frozen shut) and hit the road. I was scarred. What if the roads were icy and dangerous? Was I pushing it? What if I got into an accident? I knew that it was a chance I was going to have to take.

Fortunately, the roads were absolutely fine. I made it back safe and sound.

I ran in, took a shower, and then jumped back into the car and headed Laurence, where Andrew and I would YOU for a quite a few hours. It was, as the title of this post expresses, a Shiney Happy Star Time!!!

We came up with some really great things for the retreat that is happening next weekend here, in Kansas City. (for more details, check out www.youthonunity.org) It is going to be just amazing! And so fun! Oh! Holy Holy HOLY! Yes, it will be a good time. Good. Time. goooodtiiimmmee.

Then, Richard joined us. Now, anyone who knows these two chaps knows that there is no way to avoid out of control laughter. It was fun. I won't go into the details. You will have to come to the retreat to find out. But, man. I just love you boys!

That is all. I am going to work now.

So is Life

So, today, I was supposed to head back to KC, only to find out that there is a horrid ice storm sweeping the Midwest. It is not safe for me and Lucy to travel. So, I remain safe and comfy in STL until further notice.

This is nice and not so nice at the same time. Though I love it here, and am only surrounded my people who love me and want to laugh and hug continually, there is the urgent need to return to my current place of residence and to my current place of employment. Money needs to be made, and financial aid needs to be locked down, school books need to be bought, and retreats need to be finalized. Only some of this can happen while I am here, and what can be done is only bits and pieces. Patience and trust are definitely virtues.

Now, am going to leap and bound joyfully out the door, and partake in some University City Devotions that will take place at my second STL home, the Carter-Piff residence. Sure to be a completely stellar time. Have I ever told you how much I love that family? Well...Let me tell you! I LOVE THAT FAMILY!

I had a wonderful last few days with my bro, who is now safe and sound back in the town of the Sea. Miss him already. But we had much quality sister brother time and lots of fun with my mom. So, it was worth it. BIG time.

I have had some wonderful time with Laurie also. She has this way of making me feel so capable. That nothing is too big for me to accomplish. I just love her and am so thankful for the legacy that has been given to us.

Ben is great too. Love that booch face so much!

Mark has the best music on the planet. Yeah. I know that I have said that Andrew has the best music on the planet, but Mark might have him beat. (sorry dropple.) Actually, the best thing on earth would be the two of them in a room together with all of their music! Man. I will dream about that.

Anyway, off to say the Fire Tablet!

smooooooch!

Today, it was a good day

So, Dae Dae and I “Looped” it today. We went to the Smoothie shop for some wheat grass shots. Mmmmm. We also hit up Streetside, where I purchased the new “Gift of Gab” cd. It is a must have. My bro is diggin it too, so that rocks faces. We went to Blueberry Hill for some N/A beverages. BH is one of the “places to be” around here. Not so much at 2 in the afternoon, but still fun times.

We also went to the Blackberry Café, one of my personal staples, for some Americano drinkage. Double mmmmm. I also ate the worlds best Hummus there. Chatted with Chrissy for a while.

Soon, we will be heading over to the C-P cave for some grubbin dinner and family fun. Tony and Jamie will be there, and Ben will show up after having a wonderful few days in CHI for a Ruhi in the Woods reunion. He also got to see Shmange. Jealous to the max.

THEN, Jack-o and my bro and me and possibly Ben are gonna kick it. We are hoping to find something fun and exciting. Possibly the City Museum. That would be bomb.

Last night, Dae and I watched “Napoleon Dynamite”. If you have not seen this movie masterpiece, please run out and do so. It was fantastic! My brother and I could not have found a more perfect movie to experience together. We laughed so h@rd core and are still living in the midst of famed one liners.

Off to partay. Have a good one.

Maddy, I am yours when I get home. My super hero powers will be in full effect, just for you. Love.

Hit the road, Gen

My hasty late night drive home was nice.

I got home from work at about 10:30ish, and packed my bags for the morning, only realizing the large intake of caffeine at work had doomed me from finding sleep any time soon. So, I marched down to the basement, found my Faddle on the computer, and announced my late night departure. Now, this was almost immediately taken back, because I received one of those Faddle looks that just trys to kill your heart. She is so cute sometimes. Like a little cute…cute…cute little cute-cute. But, I stuck to my guns, and departed shortly after with Lucy, my car.

It is a really free feeling when you are almost the only one on the road. I was listening to my music, and crusin in the dark. The moon was remarkable and the stars, at points, were the brightest I have EVER seen them. It was truly beautiful.


The drive was marvelous. I have realized that I need to sometime soon, purchase a hand held recorder, because, I come up with some good stuff when I am driving. I really do. I surprised myself several times, and of course, by morning, (or 3 this afternoon,) all of the mad genius is gone. Gone. GOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEE!


I took a lot of the time in reflection. I seem to be a very perplexed person these days. There are certain aspects of my life that I just can’t seem to shed light on. Things this blog will never see. Things, I wonder, will I ever get a true grasp on? Lucky me, they are NOT seriously important to the success of me as a human being, more on the succeeding level of comfort and contentment. But, nonetheless, things that I would hope to have some sort of grasp on later in life. Ram-bl-ing.

But to continue…

I have realized something quite profound in the quest of Gen’s understanding of herself. A large majority of my issues and downers are completely based on others. Meaning, I am always trying to make myself reflect what others want to see me as, or, what I think they want to see me as. Make any sence? This comes from years of trying to make the ugly truths of my life look perfect and pretty and organized. Something that for some crazy reason, I thought I had fixed and under control, but alas, there is still a far and stretching path ahead on this one. So, now that I have come to terms with this, I have to follow through with working on it.

I wish that I were able to be the person that I am to myself. Meaning, I completely get myself. There are very few that get me in the true “me” way. I wish that there were more. Well, I just wish I had more of my friends around me. I am alone a lot. And when I am around some people, I just get this automatic vibe that people are going to be judgmental and won’t dig me, so I just shut off. I hate it when you get that vibe, because sometimes, you are wrong, and you lose a great opportunity to meet someone wonderful. Or you have caused the “half way” relationship that exists more often then not in my life. I need to work on being comfortable within myself and not worrying so much about how people are going to react. I hate it when people around me do it, so how can I do it too, when it is the saddest thing in the world to witness. Hypocrite Gen Represent.

I also wish that I were a super hero. I really do. I wish that my superhero power was to take all the pain away from people and to truly make them happy. With one fatal hug, they would be all better. Of corse I wound need a neat outfit, so that people wouldn’t know that it was me, and a name. I would really need a name…….
Anyway, I am going to go and be with my brother and mom now. Man. Time is so short with them. I hate it. I wish that David was a regular part of my life. I just adore the kid. Just simply adore him. He is the greatest.